My partner and I have had a long-standing joke that whenever I dissolve into a fit of pouting silence (I won’t comment on how often this happens), that he tells me to “use my words” as if I was a three-year-old.
Often, I feel like telling my headache the same thing. When it gets grouchy and retaliates with increased pain, I wish it could tell me what it needs.
This year has found me in more pain than I’ve had in the last six. I’ve had far, far more “bad” days and the level of pain I consider a “good” day has dramatically increased. A squeezing throbbing wakes me up in the middle of the night, pounding in my temples makes work difficult, and sometimes the slightest noises or bright lights make me cranky. As much as I don’t want to admit it, my headache has limited my activities – work schedule, time with friends, even my runs – more than it has in a very long time.
I keep searching for a reason for the increased pain. Changes in my diet? My work-out schedule? Something to which I’m allergic? My peripheral nerve stimulator not functioning as it should? Is it the weather patterns? Stress? I wish I could scream at it, “Use your words!”
I’m doing my best to strike a balance between settling into this new pattern and accepting it as a new normal, while still search for a clue that might lead me in the direction of relief.